List #178: Songs for 2012

If I were to make a playlist of the songs that best describe my 2012, it would include the following. (Since this is my list, the songs don't actually have to be released in 2012. Only qualifications are heavy emotional attachment and repeated listening).

Somebody That I Used to Know ~ Gotye

I'm pretty sure I listened to this on a continuous loop on the days leading up to (and shortly after) my move. If there was ever a song that I didn't want to like, but liked completely, this would be it.  Torn between whose verses I liked better (Kimbra wins out). This song solidified any doubt that I had about being over someone who had long since left my life. And made me oh, so happy.

Winter Song ~ Head and the Heart

Honestly winter 2012 seems like a blur to me. I remember certain things like Chinese food, a birthday party for twins, early morning coffee, heavy feelings, lack of snow, and dissecting television shows. But memories of those cold months actually feel a little surreal. Yet I do remember listening to this song (and album) over and over before falling asleep  And now that winter has started yet again, I find myself doing the same thing. Bookends for the year.

Kiss with a Fist ~ Florence + The Machine

To be clear, this does not mean I was involved in an abusive relationship in any shape or form (I don't think she's singing about that anyway). But this song will always remind me of a guy who grew up in middle America and who I spent a good portion of 2012 mixed up with in many ways. Energetic, emotional, twisted, and slightly addicting. You sort of miss it when it's over. And you really didn't want it be over: banter, electricity, foreplay, and a whole lot more. I'm absolutely positive he has no idea this song reminds me of him. And he'd probably give me some crazy look and make fun of me, with a snarky comment, for attributing it to him. But "love sticks, sweat drips, break the lock if it don't fit" does it every single time.

Hold On ~ Alabama Shakes

Late summer, early fall. If you could have heard what was coming out of my earphones, Alabama Shakes would have been it. I want to be a Southern Rocker so badly. And I am may pretend (when I'm wearing a flouncy skirt and boots with no tights) that I can belt this song and transport myself to Alabama. 

Classy Girls ~ The Lumineers

For one, I feel like I've had this exact type of conversation in bars many times in my life. For two, The Lumineers remind me of Pacific Northwest travels. And also, as for the kissing that I did in 2012 I don't think any one of them happened inside a bar. Now, the streets outside of bars...that may be another story. 

West Coast ~ Coconut Records

This fall I returned to the West Coast for the fourth time in my life. I've been to California (twice), Oregon (once), and Washington (twice). This year I even added Vancouver. And though I don't think I could be happy in California,  I think I could be perfectly happy in the Pacific Northwest. This year's vacation was the best one I had ever given myself. It was filled with great friends, perfect weather, off-the-grid adventures. And thanks to Pandora loving this song on all of my stations, it was always make me think of autumn 2012 and my deep-hearted love and dreams of going back to the west coast.

Call Me Maybe ~ Carly Rae Jepsen 

Because, of course. 

So dear readers, what songs will forever go down as one you loved in 2012? Share in the comments!

List #177: A List of Things Your Single Friend is Not

I've reached the point in my life where my number of single friends is far less than the number of married and committed friends. Throw in a few friends and acquaintances who constantly jump from one long term relationship to the next, and it will shock you how few "comfortably single" statuses there really are in existence.

So, on behalf of all of us who find ourselves single more than in a relationship, I'm lending some insight.

• Being single doesn't mean alone. On any given day there is conversation through through gchat, text, twitter, emails, and yes, sometimes even phone calls. 
• Not having a significant other doesn't mean equal a lot of free time In fact, weeks are often booked solid with little wiggle room. 
• Just because there is no significant other, doesn't mean there is no social life.. Nights often move beyond watching movies on the couch. There are dinner dates, clubs, meetings, new people to meet, and more. 
• Seeing poems, stock photos, and "repost this if" posts on Facebook incite jealousy. It's just  wondrous why you have so much time on your hands and why you aren't spending it telling your significant other these things face-to-face.
• Singledom doesn't automatically bring back a neglected friendship. Hurt feelings can last awhile.
• Just because there is no dating during the holidays, doesn't mean there is no fun during the holidays. Please don't make a single friend a last-minute back up. They'll be kind enough to extend an invitation, but it doesn't mean they are waiting for the phone to ring.
• Being single doesn't mean yearning for advice every minute of the day. Online dating?! Never heard of it! Surely it's not frustrating nor hard at all! 
• A single person crying does not equal depression. Sometimes a good cry (or two) is needed to pack up and move on.
• Single friends aren't perpetual sympathizers. Loyal friends, yes. But everyone has their limits.
• The grass is always greener on the other side, remember.

Sorry for the rant, dear readers. But actually, it feels pretty good to get that off my chest.

Is anyone else someone whose constant state is more single than coupled? What would else would you like to add. I'm sure we've all got a few (I know I probably have a few more) so let's share.

List #176: A Year in Review

Someone wrote to me, inside a Christmas card, "I know 2012 hasn't been the greatest year for you but it seems like you had a lot of fun along the way." And I think that sums up the year perfectly.

I feel like it was a year of strength and progress. It was a steady year where I was able to let the foundation of me settle more, without too many earthquakes to shake up the progress. Even the bleak parts don't seem so bad when the whole year gets put into perspective.

A Whole Lot of Fun in 2012

So, here is what I did this year:

• Moved into a new apartment.
• Entertained friends in my new apartment.
• Vacationed in Emerald Isle, NC.
• Ate crab legs.
• Swam in the Atlantic Ocean for the first time since 1999.
• Witness three friends get married.
• Became a bridesmaid once, for a cousin.
• Had someone cook me dinner for Valentine's Day.
• Walk away from someone who wasn't giving me what I needed.
• Walk right back to the same person.
• Made secrets.
• Kept secrets.
• Wore a lot of dresses.
• Had fun with a TV Boyfriend Bracket. 
• Was in an accident.
• Developed a Pulmonary Embolism.
• Spent a week in the hospital.
• Realized how much my friends and family loved me.
• Cried my eyes out.
• Adopted a little kitten.
• Named the kitten Radley.
• Went to a few Pirates games.
• Went to a few Penguins games.
• Went to no Steelers games.
• Wished the NHL lockout would end.
• Thought words and actions were sincere.
• Was easily fooled.
• Got on Root Sports after many tries.
• Took a road trip to Charleston, WV with my favorite librarians and boys.
• Went on vacation to Seattle.
• Took a train to Vancouver.
• Biked in Stanley Park.
• Made friends with Beluga whales.
• Slept in a fancy hotel room with a spectacular view.
• Loved the Pacific Northwest. Again.
• Ate poutine. 
• Drank lots of wine and beer.
• Soaked in a lot of bubble baths.
• Took a surprise trip to Baltimore.
• Was interviewed for Yinzpiration. 
• Went on a few first dates.
• Fell in love with knights at Medieval Times.
• Wished I was Leslie Knope.
• Made new friends from the Internet.
• Had a few crushes. 
• Caused a few crushes.
• I walked in honor of my cousin. 
• Didn't do as much as writing as I had hoped.
• Traded tweets with Rick Sebak.
• Finally closed the door on the person who occupied my time.
• Bought a new bed that is just mine.
• Listened to David Sedaris.
• Danced in my living room.
• Wished that Nick Miller would take me on a date.
• Decorated my first Christmas tree.
• Sent over 50 Christmas cards.
• Got cookies from Santa.
• Kissed a few men.
• Laughed lots the best of friends.
• Attended a professional conference.
• Was heckled by a pierogi. 
• Served as references.
• Crossed my fingers.
• Ate a lot of tacos and burritos.
• Felt accomplished.
• Felt inadequate.
• Dreamed about the future.

So 2012 has a few more days left. And my wish for everyone, including myself, is to make the best that they can be. And look forward to 2013, hope for magic, and discover reasons to smile.

List #175: At the End of Christmas

Christmas 2012 is just wrapping up. I'm from a whirlwind few days seeing and greeting family members. There are no more gifts to be open, only a few more to give, and only one more day off. I hate when Christmas ends because it always feels like there is so much build up only to have it go away into the cold winter night so quickly.

But before this year's celebrations are over, a rundown of my own Christmas.

Christmas Things that Happened:

• One Dad crying over presents. I haven't "won" this fake competition since college when I gave him the Godfather collection on DVD. Which I'm pretty sure he has only watched once.
• One fight between a sibling because music was playing loud and probably a whole bunch of other reasons that are unsaid.
• One text message wishing me a Merry Christmas from an unknown number. The casualties of updating your phone in the past year.
• A new coat, art collection completed, charm, Nancy Pearl figurine, Starbucks gift card, lip balm, felt bag, hot rollers, baseball cap and so much more opened and appreciated.
• Electric fireplace, clothes, record player, gloves, mugs given, opened, and appreciated.
• Not-to tiny kitten snoozing. I will miss him sleeping by the tree.
• New ornaments hung. To add to the collection.
• Tears shed for missed loved ones. One in particular. And crying. Again.
• One Christmas Eve worked. Which, well. Okay.
• Emmet Otter watched, finally. With my mom, hot chocolate, cookies, and tea.
• So many emotions of feeling blessed and happy and sad and lonely. Which I think is customary for most, so in turn, making me feel less lonely.

In general, Christmas 2012 was a nice holiday. It was standard, which means it was full of tradition and merriment. I was lucky enough to have my family in good health and together. And if you've ever had a sick loved one at Christmastime, you know is the only thing that truly matters.

Sure, Santa didn't deliver the grand gesture, the hopeful phone call, the love of my life walking in a door and immediately recognizing me.  But when a relative asked if someone special was in my life and I answered "not yet"  I followed it with (for some strange reason) "I know it's going to happen soon." And I truly felt it. Maybe I'm just being crazy, but I do really think that love is going to come in my life in a meaningful and lasting way. It just wasn't for this Christmas. And that's just fine.

So dear readers, I hope Santa was wonderful to you. I hope that many of your Christmas wishes came true. And if they didn't. let's just keep holding on together and hoping for next year.

Merry Christmas from me and mine, to you and yours. 

Letter #50: Thank You, Santa

Dear Santa,

Today I was home from work, using up one of my last vacation days of the year. I took some garbage out to the curb and came back to find mail had been delivered early.

And right there in the entry way was a box from the North Pole.

This was inside.

Lots of baked handmade goodies. 

I don't know who you are, special Santa. But you made a girl feel loved this holiday season. I don't get surprised packages all too often. So thank you. A lot. 

I tried to thank you on Facebook and on Twitter. But just in case you're not a fan of social media, I'll thank you here too. 

Santa and Me at the Library, 2012.

Merry Christmas, Santa Friend of Mine.

Ho Ho Ho.

Always,

Shannon

List #174: Sometimes at the End of a Day

Sometimes you have a day where a lot of really good things happen. And that was my day. I got some sweet and thoughtful notes from storytime families and at the end of the day, their recognition and appreciation is really what matters most. It's a wonderful feeling when that happens. It's a glorious feeling when it happens more than once.

Sometimes you have a day when you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. And that was my day. Often I feel like the middleman. Balancing peace between people in my life. Not trying to take sides. Not trying to upset one or the other. And also trying to make my opinion known. It's tough.

Sometimes you have a day where you just want someone to show you a little attention. And that was my day. But the thing is, the men who are often bold about their interest in me are often the ones who can't really do anything about it. Or, maybe a more accurate statement most of the time, they aren't the ones you want. Noticeable rings on fingers, missing teeth, smelly, a little lost, noncommittal. I've got them all.

Sometimes you have a day where it just feels good to cry. And that was not my day. Yet. But a touching thank you, a preschoolers handwriting, a sappy book, another engagement posting, a forgotten memory, a hug, a missed friend, an unanswered prayer. It can all sort of sucker you in and soon enough you'll be blubbering beneath your lit tree.  It's not my finest moment.

And if it's one of those days, it's perfectly acceptable to come home and crack open a beer that was left at your house after a holiday party. It's a delight to fill up the tub with bubbles and a dream to keep refilling it with hot water when the warmth goes away. It's perfectly fine to finish a cheesy Christmas romance novel that ends with an engagement. And it's adorable to watch your kitten snuggle by your feet on the couch.

Sometimes I think that maybe one day, by the end of day, all my problems will be solved. They'll just sort of wrap up neatly and life will go on and I'll be free of thinking about all of the stuff that isn't right. Clearly I know this isn't going to happen. But sometimes, I just let me myself believe that today could be the day!

But sometimes on those days, even with all rain dumping sheets of water on the city, people you wish would call, seesaws you just can't balance. It all doesn't feel so bad.

It was definitely all of those gestures of kindess. And maybe it was the the bath, or the beer, or the cheesy book. Or maybe it's the tears that are almost there but I'll be damned if I let fall. But it just feels, even if I know in my heart I've still got a long and bumpy ride, like it could all be okay.

Maybe, right?

List #173: Things I Love About the Holidays, Part 3: Here We go a Caroling

I'm at the point in my Christmas cheer that I feel the need to binge on Christmas music. I can already see January creeping up on my calendar and that means the holidays will be over before we know and we'll have plunged into that cold, dark, deep dispair that is January, February, and a whole chunk of March. And nothing really gets you out of that funk no matter how good things in your life are going.

So I just feel like I better get my money's worth on Christmas even when I don't feel like it. This morning I actually found myself seeking out terrestrial radio because I was really sick of the same crap Pandora keeps playing. I wanted the classics, not indie singers reinventing the classics (which I do enjoy most of the time).

What are my classics?

Christmas Song ~ Alvin and the Chipmunks

Reminds me of Christmas at Allegheny. Roommates who always made you laugh. And annual Christmas parties that always included mistletoe in an old barn house that was always roasting.

All I Want for Christmas Is You ~ Mariah Carey

What woman in her 30s doesn't have a soft spot for this song? I love it anyway that I can get it. Girl singing at the of Love Actually? You bet. Mariah Carey, Jimmy Fallon and The Roots? My new holiday favorite. 

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas ~ Judy Garland

Each year as I get older, I find myself feeling overwhelmed with such quick change. I see my own life going in directions that I could have never predicted. And I see my friends doing the same. I see people leave my life and so many wonderful people come into it. It's all a blessing really. But this song always makes me weepy and me wishing for a few more moments with the many people I once loved. And hoping that they are doing alright. 

Last Christmas ~ Wham!

This is my favorite modern day classic. The video is campy, the song contains whispering. But you know what? I unapologetically adore it. It reminds me all of those Christmases when I was so deeply in love, the days right after when I was torn apart, it reminds of me how wonderful life is now. But more than? More than anything? It reminds me of a Christmas spent on Greek Islands. Homesickness and wanderlust. It reminds me of old students and friends who were enamored with a remake . No other song transports me back in time as much so vividly. So much that I remember a television station that just played this video, the remake's video, and a video for a Greek Christmas song on repeat. For hours during the day. It reminds me of bus rides in the dark. But I think I'm saving all of that for another blog post. Just don't try to tell me you don't enjoy this song. Because I don't love it in an ironic way. I love it fiercely.

So dear readers, what songs do you have to seek out each Christmas? Did any of mine make your list?