Yeah. None that happened. The idea of living in Los Angeles actually sounds terrifying. I haven't acted in anything since I played the Mad Hatter in a sorority skit. And I actually really don't even like diamonds.
So since I have no chance of winning an actual Oscar, here's what I think the Academy should honor me for. You know, just in case they start giving out awards to ordinary people who blog from their couch in Pittsburgh.
I should at least be nominated for the following bests:
- Wearing of multiple tights when it's 0 degrees outside.
- Doing your own hair and make up in a house with one bathroom and one roaming and feisty toddler.
- Online shopper.
- Ability to get salt marks all over ones shoes and tights.
- Showering in the dark.
- Recommending books you haven't heard about yet.
- Not watching movies.
- Disliking James Patterson.
- Forgetting where you put your glasses.
- Forgetting where you put your keys.
- Forgetting where you left your phone.
- Playing games on your phone and then getting bored with them after two weeks.
- Thinking chipped ham really is the best lunch meat.
- Loving peppermint tea.
- Falling asleep with a heating pad.
- Having a crush on Captain America, the character.
- Being so very much like Leslie Knope.
- Drinking water out of Tervis mugs.
- Snacking on sweet tarts.
- Taking an extraordinarily long time to knit a scarf for oneself.
- Watching every episode of Parks and Recreation at least 5 times at this point.
What about your awards, dear readers? Let me know what you'd likely win for!