List #174: Sometimes at the End of a Day

Sometimes you have a day where a lot of really good things happen. And that was my day. I got some sweet and thoughtful notes from storytime families and at the end of the day, their recognition and appreciation is really what matters most. It's a wonderful feeling when that happens. It's a glorious feeling when it happens more than once.

Sometimes you have a day when you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. And that was my day. Often I feel like the middleman. Balancing peace between people in my life. Not trying to take sides. Not trying to upset one or the other. And also trying to make my opinion known. It's tough.

Sometimes you have a day where you just want someone to show you a little attention. And that was my day. But the thing is, the men who are often bold about their interest in me are often the ones who can't really do anything about it. Or, maybe a more accurate statement most of the time, they aren't the ones you want. Noticeable rings on fingers, missing teeth, smelly, a little lost, noncommittal. I've got them all.

Sometimes you have a day where it just feels good to cry. And that was not my day. Yet. But a touching thank you, a preschoolers handwriting, a sappy book, another engagement posting, a forgotten memory, a hug, a missed friend, an unanswered prayer. It can all sort of sucker you in and soon enough you'll be blubbering beneath your lit tree.  It's not my finest moment.

And if it's one of those days, it's perfectly acceptable to come home and crack open a beer that was left at your house after a holiday party. It's a delight to fill up the tub with bubbles and a dream to keep refilling it with hot water when the warmth goes away. It's perfectly fine to finish a cheesy Christmas romance novel that ends with an engagement. And it's adorable to watch your kitten snuggle by your feet on the couch.

Sometimes I think that maybe one day, by the end of day, all my problems will be solved. They'll just sort of wrap up neatly and life will go on and I'll be free of thinking about all of the stuff that isn't right. Clearly I know this isn't going to happen. But sometimes, I just let me myself believe that today could be the day!

But sometimes on those days, even with all rain dumping sheets of water on the city, people you wish would call, seesaws you just can't balance. It all doesn't feel so bad.

It was definitely all of those gestures of kindess. And maybe it was the the bath, or the beer, or the cheesy book. Or maybe it's the tears that are almost there but I'll be damned if I let fall. But it just feels, even if I know in my heart I've still got a long and bumpy ride, like it could all be okay.

Maybe, right?

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