List # 103: Gestures

Grand Gestures: Moments in life where someone goes completely out of their to make sure they know you are loved.  See Say Anything, many moments in the life of Rachel and Ross and more than a few dozen Harlequin romance novels.

A friend and I used to talk about, when we were younger and wrapped up in men that weren't quite the fit for us, how if they could just show us a grand gesture, we'd be smitten. But then experience teaches us that it wasn't really a grand gesture that we needed from those men. Rather it would have been nice of him not put up a fight when I asked him to come to happy hour on Friday evenings. We really hoped they'd stop picking up younger women on MySpace and actually want to have dinner with our families.  Not exactly a grand gesture, but just simple things that happen when you like someone.

So today's list? A few quiet moments that made me swoon:

• Lighting candles throughout the apartment. And then excitedly showing me your favorite one, mentioning that you hate scents and kissing me in the doorway.
• Chai tea in the morning. Going to be honest here. If you manage to bring me tea without asking, I'm going to be a ball of mush.
• Telling me that I'm worth the wait? Yes, I'll take that.
• Lunch surprises at work. There is little sweeter than afternoon, workday date.

So what small things make you swoon? Because sometimes there is no greater feeling.

List #102: 30 Wears Me Well

Earlier this week I attended a conference for work. An entire conference dedicated to libraries. But when I wasn't sitting in presentations about the Dewey Decimal System (why yes, that still exists and yes, librarians talk about it a lot) I got to explore some of the beauty of Central Pennsylvania. 

Even better yet, I just happened to be traveling with Ms. Clothes Karma a terrific fashion blogger and amazing photographer in Pittsburgh. She's the one responsible for the photos above; perfect snapshots of a happy librarian pleased to be feeling refreshed at 30. 

These might just be the four best photographs I've ever taken in my adult-life. I love that the colors match the season, I love the confidence radiating from my center, I love my boots and the happy in my smile. This is emotion and the attitude I hope to capture for the next 12 months and beyond.  And I'm positive this goal-oriented woman can get it achieve this success.

So, readers, what photo shows you at your best? How old are you, who took it, what are you doing? 

List # 101: Little Things That Annoy Me

Following the popular hashtags #whitegirlproblems #sororitygirlproblems and even #firstworldproblems, today's list are the little things that pop up during my week that I mostly like to avoid. Because all of those problems are my problems too.

• Forgetting to ask for my Starbucks extra hot.  I know we need to be cautious of lawsuits and I realize that not everyone likes to put a scalding beverage to their lips. But when I forget to add this to my morning order my own mouth does a little sigh of sadness.
• Facebook telling me to add people I don't like or don't know.  No, Mark Zuckerberg I don't want to be friends with the random kid from my HS who had a ponytail and I never talked to in my life. And even more, I don't want to be friends with ex's new girlfriends or previous coworkers I never enjoyed. Nor do I want friendship suggestions for patrons from my old library who asked me out every week. You scare me, Facebook and I wish I could quit you.
• Leaving my phone charger at home. It's 2011. How do we not have electrical outlets near every chair everywhere? I am a slave to my smartphone.
• When my hair does that little flip on the right side. My hairdresser says it's from the way my hair has been growing since I was a baby. I say it's annoying and nothing half a bottle of hairspray can't fix. 
• Not being able justify streaming Spotify from my phone. I have my budget limits, my friend, but I want music when I want it. And my iPod just doesn't cut it. When did updating my iPod become so much work?

So what are your privileged annoyances? Come on dear readers, help me feel not so guilty over the silly things.

Letter #20: Things I Want You to Know

Dear Guy at Starbucks (approximately 8:15 Friday morning),
Your beard is pretty amazing. It's the perfect blend of bushy and scratchy. Just a little ginger mixed in with the brown. Sure, you're a bigger guy but you look like you could be one of those sweet, teddy bear types.  And what's this? You ordered Earl Grey tea? My suspicions have been confirmed; a sensitive soul.  But the head tattoo is kind of killing it.

Dear Library Friends,

I'm really looking forward to October. Let's get on this and bring lots of wine. And we can drunk dial the girls who aren't there. And coo at babies through the phone.

Dear Really Old Ex-Boyfriend,
Might as well be straight and tell you that I know you're reading this blog. Pretty sure you search for it in Google every day. I'm flattered and I think it's sweet that you like to keep up with what's going on in my life. I hope married life is treating you well and don't worry, my heart healed a long time ago. You should say hello; leave a comment, send an email. I didn't bite playfully when we were together and well, you never got to know that part of me. So I can assure you I won't bite now. It would be nice to hear your adventures and find out what you think about this space, especially since you've read the words written about our experience.

Dear Men on Twitter,
Seriously, why do you think it's extremely appropriate to ask women for naked pictures? I guess it's the librarian fantasy.  But come on, you've got to be pretty special to see this librarian outside of the stacks.

Dear Liars,
There is no need to spin tales. I don't buy your fake war stories, I don't buy your thinly veiled attempts at getting me to waive your fines, I don't buy that you really are interested in more when you only text me after midnight. Just be honest, you'll get a whole lot farther with this girl. Trust me on this.

Dear Not-so Old Ex-Boyfriend,
Let me be clear, nothing about you shocks me anymore. But did you really forget that I turned 30 this week? Do you really not care that much about a person you have said you loved, even post-break up? Did you really forget that there would have been anniversary celebrated this week? The memories of our first week's together just vanished? I just don't understand and I've stopped trying too. But if you really did wipe all memory away from your heart, you should write a book. It would be a best-seller in a minute and your financial worries solved.

Dear Singer-Songer Writer Matt Nathanson,

I don't think I've had a musical crush this strong since John Mayer. I'm missing your concert in NYC, I'm missing it in PGH. Just keep singing adorably super sweet and sad songs. I'll keep loving your beard and your voice.

Dear Old Friends,
I'm still a little sorry we don't talk anymore. But I still love you and maybe one day our lives will be similar again. Friendships change through the years and I was moved to tears a few times this week by love. I wish you could have been there for me during the rough patches but I probably should have just said something instead of ignoring the problem and distancing myself. Maybe our 30s will change us again.

Dear Pumpkin Spice Chai Latte,

You, dear, are a game changer.

Love Always,

Shannon, aka BrassyLibrarian

List # 100: Milestones

When I wake up on September 28, I will have turned 30.  I may not have the life the 10 year-old me thought I'd have (Married to Joey McIntyre, living in Beverly Hills, and being a teacher who also rescues whales).  Nor do I have the life I imagined at 20 (Married to John Mayer, getting paid to write short stories, living the bohemian lifestyle in a Mediterranean town). And I don't even have the life I envisioned just one year ago (New apartment with the boyfriend, perhaps an address in a different city, traveling to other countries).

But I do have this life: kick-ass librarian, finally loving her hometown, building a reputation, smiling, writing, friendships, exploring, traveling, knowing my inner strength and kicking the sh*t out of life. Hell, John Mayer is still single. So you know, I still have a chance with that.

Many people tell you that "30 is the new 20" and how much better their 30s are than anything that came before.  I'm not sold yet. On my worst days it's hard to see how my single, struggling world can compete against those of you who are settled down, house-owning, child-bearing, etc. But I'm a lot more confidant than I was even just three months ago. Because the grass is always greener on the other side. And chances are if I had what the 29-year old me, my birthday would be a couple of cupcakes that I wouldn't eat and a gift someone didn't even wrap.  Instead, the past two weeks have been filled with night's out, plenty of drinks, dinner, dates, family and friendship.

So tonight's list are just some reminders that are going to help make 30 and beyond memorable.

What do I strive for?

1.  Inner peace. Understanding that whatever fates are thrown my way that I can handle it.  I want this to be sustaining, not fleeting.  And a peace I can share with others.
2.  A return trip to Europe.  I read an article in the Herald Tribune when I lived in Greece that talked about how a man didn't want to visit the Acropolis until he could take his significant other. I made a similar promise to myself when I left. But now, I'm revoking it. I'd like to see my Greek roots again, walk the streets of Paris with Hemingway and Hadley, and ride a bike in Denmark. If I wait around for someone to share it with, I may miss it all completely.
3.  Another degree.  I haven't quite figured out which one, where and why. And that's okay. I'm already enjoying the fun of exploring. Will I try for my MFA, prove naysayers wrong and write a book ? Will I go back for my PhD and find myself in academia in an unlikely way.  Oh, I love school.
4.  Become fitter.  I'm a fan of my body. I talk about my curves a lot. But I want to charge my way into the next decade feeling healthier.  First step? Well, I just signed up to walk a half-marathon in 3.5 hours.
5.  Be a better friend. Write letters once again. Buy those gifts I was meaning to send. Call more often, not text.  Be the shoulder to cry on after I've cried on so many. Throw elbows on the dance floor. Whatever it takes.
6. Kick the Sh*t out of Life.  Because living beyond 30 isn't a guarantee for any of us. Because I want to smile and laugh every day and none of this is a dress rehearsal.

Alright, 30.  Here we go: low-Fat, whole wheat, green-tea. Bring on what you've got.

And readers? Why IS 30 the new 20? Let's discuss.

List #99: Start Wrapping

Birthdays were never a huge deal in my family.  No one woke us early the morning singing "Happy Birthday" and unless you were little and having a party, the house wasn't decked out in balloons & streamers just for you. I believe birthdays should include one present from the people you love and a few cards.  And my Dad (who did most of the cooking growing up) would make whatever dinner you'd request.  Growing older, maybe a dinner out with friends or significant other.

But that doesn't mean I can't make up lists of fantasy birthday gifts, right?

West Wing, the complete collection.  It's on sale at Amazon and though I own Season 2 and 3, owning ALL of them would be my dream.  I've often said that The West Wing is like porn for gals like me.  Josh Lyman is my ultimate dream man, with Sam Seaborn coming in a close second. Even the grumbly Toby makes me happy and who doesn't want a President Bartlet. Weirdly geeky confession? I actually follow some "characters" of The West Wing on Twitter. A strange twist in fanfiction, it's often entertaining.

Dewey Decimal earrings.  I was going to post a photo of a card catalog here. But then I remembered that I don't actually want anyone to buy one for me. I have nowhere to store a relic of the library right now and really, I want it to be a purchase I can say I made for myself.  But now these little earrings? Yes please. I think there is a matching necklace. And I can't promise myself that my credit card won't be breaking out for these soon anyway.

I'll also accept gift cards, tea, purses, shoes, trips, etc.  Things I don't want: milk, cottage cheese, video games or DVDs and probably, books. 

So readers, what do you want for your birthday?

List # 98: Through the Ages

If you're a regular reader of blogs you are probably familiar with the meme that I'm taking on today. Since this is THE WEEK I'll be turning 30 that will probably be the theme in my posts for the next few days. People keep asking me what I'm doing for my birthday, or how I'm feeling, and the answers are pretty simple. I don't have any immediate plans for my 30th birthday. It's on a Wednesday, I have lunch plans with my coworkers and plans to eat pie in the evening. I'm meeting some new friends on Friday night and some old friends and I are road tripping it to WV next month.

There won't be any flowers sent to my office, no gifts to unwrap when I wake up, no surprises from someone who cares enough to plan surprises. And right now, I'm okay with this. My brain is just telling me it's another birthday and my heart is telling me that reaching another decade doesn't mean I have to freak out.  We'll see if that holds up.

But for today, a recap of 30 years:

30 years ago: I was born to my parents who have now been married for 31 years. I was the first grand-baby on my father's side of the family and my parent's first child. Our family is large; I have over 40 first-cousins. I cried and babbled a lot. In some respects not much has changed in 30 years.

20 years ago: I was a Catholic school girl in the fifth grade. My favorite things to do were to play Barbies and read. And my best friend and I would play house every weekend and pretend that we were poor and had to scavenge her backyard for food to feed our baby dolls. I took ballet lessons and my littlest brother wasn't even one.

15 years ago: I was a sophomore in high school. I'd been kissed but wouldn't have sex for another five years. And though I was crushing hard, I had never had a serious boyfriend and really wouldn't until my final years of college. I was an above average student and had yet to hit the point in high school where I was desperate to leave and ready for new friends.

10 years ago: 20 years old, a college junior. 9/11 and the world was different. AOL instant messenger was an integral part of my day, I was my sorority's VP and I loved living in a large, turn-of-the-century barnhouse with my friends. I made out a lot.

5 years ago: 25 and I was back from living in Greece. I was a teacher and already realizing it wasn't quite for me. I would be quitting at 26.  I was trying on a person who was too boring for my taste. I'd travel to Texas, support friends through break-ups and celebrate friends with engagements. And honestly felt that my real person was waiting just around the bend.

3 years ago: 27 and I had just met the man who I thought was going to be the love of my life. By October he would be telling me he loved me. We were getting ready to elect a President we believed was going to change the world. I had been rejected and accepted into graduate school. And for the first time in my adult life, I was excited and happy to be living in Pittsburgh.

1 year ago: 29 and I was just about to start applying for a new job that I would earn and love. Graduate school had changed my life and I met friends who "saved" my life. The man I thought was going to be the love of my life was sleeping next to me every night. I loved him with all of my heart, even if we were poor and stressed and we weren't having much sex. I remember my birthday being sweet but the relationship would end in just 4 months and the rest of 29 would be nothing like I pictured.

Today: I'm going to be 30. And for the first time in my life I would agree that the adjective jaded describes me. I go to work every day loving my job and my wardrobe has dramatically improved. I'm not afraid to wear red lipstick but I can be very afraid of what lies ahead. I've had a rotating list of men who want to spend time with me, but sometimes it's just boring. I try not to feel lost and am thankful for a strong (though sometimes annoying) family and wonderful friends with more patience and heart that I even knew existed.

Tomorrow: I hope to move onward and upward. I want to write and travel more. I want to embrace new things and keep meeting new friends. I might be scared, but I have faith that everything will settle and my place will be found. I desperately want to believe that someone is looking for me too, but am realizing that life doesn't have that ended for everyone. And I'm going to buy my own card catalog one day.

So, wise readers. Do you have any advice for a girl in my shoes as she tries to hit her 30s running?