List #260: Things I Should Win an Oscar For

When I was in high school I dreamed of growing up and winning an Academy Award. I had grand ideas of my life somehow ending up in Los Angeles, wearing gorgeous designer dresses on red carpets, and giving the most perfect off-the-cuff winners speech. I would have held that gold statue high up in the air, showing off my sculpted arms, and have diamonds dripping from my ears and fingers.

Yeah. None that happened. The idea of living in Los Angeles actually sounds terrifying. I haven't acted in anything since I played the Mad Hatter in a sorority skit. And I actually really don't even like diamonds.

So since I have no chance of winning an actual Oscar, here's what I think the Academy should honor me for. You know, just in case they start giving out awards to ordinary people who blog from their couch in Pittsburgh.

I should at least be nominated for the following bests:

  • Wearing of multiple tights when it's 0 degrees outside.
  • Doing your own hair and make up in a house with one bathroom and one roaming and feisty toddler.
  • Online shopper.
  • Ability to get salt marks all over ones shoes and tights.
  • Showering in the dark.
  • Recommending books you haven't heard about yet.
  • Not watching movies.
  • Disliking James Patterson.
  • Forgetting where you put your glasses.
  • Forgetting where you put your keys.
  • Forgetting where you left your phone.
  • Playing games on your phone and then getting bored with them after two weeks.
  • Thinking chipped ham really is the best lunch meat.
  • Loving peppermint tea.
  • Falling asleep with a heating pad.
  • Having a crush on Captain America, the character.
  • Being so very much like Leslie Knope.
  • Daydreaming.
  • Drinking water out of Tervis mugs.
  • Snacking on sweet tarts.
  • Taking an extraordinarily long time to knit a scarf for oneself.
  • Watching every episode of Parks and Recreation at least 5 times at this point.
What about your awards, dear readers? Let me know what you'd likely win for! 

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