List #233: Christmas Songs, Number Three

Winter Song ~ Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

Sometimes in the middle of decorating trees, buying gifts, visiting family and friends, and all of things that are red and green in December, it can feel like there isn't any room for moments of anything less than jolly. 

But my December is always a little bit sad. So I play this song. Over and over again to let out a few tears. 

This songs make me remember when it actually snowed on Christmas Eve and pretty red party dresses. I remember big bangs and wishing for Barbie dolls. I remember 50/50 and cookies in small kitchens. 

I remember the last Christmas spent dancing in a heated garage. The last gifts we would ever laugh at with love. I remember the last present she ever gave me. Handmade. Still in a box. Tucked into a secret corner of my bookcase. 

Time moves on and circumstances change. More love comes into our world than could have predicted. But the love we have for those special people? I believe it never goes away. So when I cry, it's not because I've forgotten. It's because every bit of me still feels like it was just a few moments ago. 

This Christmas is going to be wonderful, for so many different reasons and in ways that still surprise me. But no Christmas is the same anymore. And sometimes, I just want to sit in a dark room, lit up by the twinkle of lights on the tree, and remember what it was like before. And hope that all of this love isn't just going nowhere. 

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