List #144: I Thought It Would Be Better Than This

It's September. My favorite time of year.

I'm 30. Almost 30 plus 1.

I'm in a much better place in my life than I was a year ago. Two years ago. Five years ago.

I just thought it would be better than this.

Well, maybe better isn't the word. It implies that I'm not very happy with my life and that's giving off the wrong the impression. I'm very happy. I have wonderful friends, a supportive family, a career that is both challenging and fulfilling. I have a roof over my head and though I may not be rich, I can pay for the necessities.

But I just thought it would be easier.

I'm in a funk right now. Just a little one. There is no storm cloud following me around. Just a pesky little gray cloud that won't let the sun shine a few more hours of the day. I'm trying my best to ignore it. Tell myself that I can keep kicking the sh*t out of life.

But today I actually found myself asking for a sign. I just want a little peek to let my mind rest. I want a tiny piece of karma to float my way.

  • Maybe a hint that a raise is in the works? I work awfully hard.
  • Or a great first date, followed by a second one. 
  • Some check I forgot to cash. Or a lottery card that is worth something.
  • Someone calling to tell me that I'm missed.
  • My right foot to stop aching.
  • Happy hour with a single friend who just wants what I want too.
  • A normal man to ask for my phone number. Or even better, to ask me on a date.
There isn't one big thing in my life I would change. I'm content. I'm blessed. I'm happy. I just want to be able to come home and share my worries with someone who wants to embrace me. Or I'd just like a few less problems. 

I feel a little naive asking for such things. Like I'm a young girl who is still holding on to dreams she can't chase. Like I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth and demanding too much from a universe that certainly hasn't treated me as poorly as many, many more. But I don't think I'm unreasonable. 

Thirty hasn't been a bad age. In fact, it's brought patience and self-confidence, new friends and old friends. It's given me pride and passion. It's made some mistakes but is walking away with a few good stories to tell.

But 31? I just want to see a little magic. 

So what about you dear readers? If you could have one thing change, one problem go away, or be granted one good portion of karma. What would you want to see happen? 

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