Dear Man Blasting Adele's Someone Like You in my Neighborhood at Approximately 9:00 am This Monday,
Your windows were down and your music was very loud. A few people on the sidewalk chuckled and one or two looked highly annoyed. But I wanted to run over to your car and tell you that I've been where you've been. I know the road looks bleak and your heart is aching. But one day it won't feel as if it hurts to breathe. You don't really want someone like the person who broke your heart. Instead, you want someone who wants to protect it. Moving on is hard work, you may never forget, dating isn't easy. But one day, it won't feel as bad. And then it just gets a little easier, bit by bit, to love your life without that person. You're better than a broken heart. Go, cry to a few sad songs. But you aren't alone, your sadness won't last forever. And then the rest is going to be so much fun.
Dear Men From the Past Who Just Decide to Drop In,
Well, hello there. Fancy seeing you in the future. I don't really mind you dropping on by. But could you be a little more specific about your purpose? It would just really help me decide how to handle all interaction.
I love you best with tights and a cute dress in the wintertime. But I'm really starting to fall in love with you this fall. Without tights. Ooh la la.
Every week I look forward to a morning where I can bury myself deep under you. I want to block out the world for a few extra hours and relish the quiet. But it never happens and I'm sorry. One day, this fall, I promise. We'll have some quality time together.
Dear Wedding Seasons,
Believe it or not, this fall season I'm only attending one wedding. And then I don't know any close friends that are engaged. From that point on most of my friends will either be married or not-currently-in-any-relationship-and-yes-i'm-looking-but-it's-really-hard-out-here. This means that I won't have to be the lone single at a table of marrieds for very much longer. It also means that maybe, the next waive of late-bloomer weddings may include mine. I hope. But I guess the parties just transfer on over to baby showers. Thanks, wedding seasons, for at least lots of open bars and hotel rooms to crash my head. Baby showers may be quicker and less-expensive affairs, but they provide far less debauchery.
Dear Dewey's Decimators,
I don't know what to tell you boys. It's like you're not even trying out there. Don't you know there is a championship on the line? Some money? Don't you want to bring home the fame? It's not too late to turn this season around. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.