Letter #36: The Most Personal Post I've Ever Written (and one where I probably alienate some people)

Dear Marrieds,

I'm going to take a deep breath and just say it.

I'm jealous of you. I'm jealous that you've managed to find someone that wants to settle down. I'm jealous that you have found someone that thinks having someone to take care of at 65 sounds like a great idea. I'm jealous that you have found someone who will go to your family events even if they sound awful and take place four states away. I'm jealous that you may or may not have children with someone you love. I'm jealous of this journey.

But before I sound like the green-eyed monster, let me explain that I'm also extremely happy for you too. My heart smiles when you tell me you're engaged. Those are tears of joy I'm crying at your ceremony. That's a true enthusiasm when I meet your spouse for the first time. I love you. And I want you to be very, very happy.

And let me also be clear that I'm not really jealous of the wedding. I don't want a big wedding. I don't picture myself wearing a big fancy gown. I have never in my life wanted to wear a diamond ring. I've never swooned over bridal magazines and wondered what my theme would be. Rather, when I do let myself think for a little bit of how I'd like this event to take place if it ever so would, I picture a quick decision ceremony on a Friday night. I picture calling a few friends with the news a few days before and hoping they are happy for me and try their best to make it. Or I picture not even telling anyone and coming back with the deed done.

So many people like to tell single girls like me to just stay calm and don't look for it. It comes when you least expect it, they say. You'll know it when you see it. Just be patient. But I've done all of those things and more. I'm an extremely patient person. And despite the bitterness that creeped into my life in the late 20s, I'm still more hopeful than I care to admit. A few people will tell you that I'm not jaded at all and that it's just an act. And as my 30th year marches on, I'd actually agree with them. Sometimes though? It just gets really hard waiting. It's tough out there. And as much as I love my life, my career, my family, my friends I still get sad and scared that maybe I will be the one who grows old alone.

A lot of other people like to point out that half of all marriages end in divorce. In fact, I've learned of 3 friends whose marriages are ending in just the past two weeks. But I don't want that to be you. I want all of those that I know who are married, and all of those that are getting married, or will get married, to be blissful and successful. I want you to come out of the tough times along your road stronger.

People like to talk a good game on marriage. That it's hard work. That occasionally it isn't as cracked up as it's made out to be. The grass is greener on the other side. Sleeping with the same person the rest of your life has elements of boring.

But we singles aren't naive. At least not at this age. We've been through relationships. I know what it's like to date untreated mental health issues. I've been with liars. I've seen the type of person who likes to be mean in the name of funny. I witnessed unhealthy relationships with family members. I've been number two to a secret, hard-core porn addiction. I've been patient with sexual dysfunction. I've seen  the affects of farting in bed. I've been willing and ready for the bad times and the good times.

There is no denying that I want the commitment. I want what you have. I want to share responsibilities and tears along with the happiness and laughter. I want to iron someone else's clothes at night if someone else will wash my dishes in the morning.

So yes, marrieds, I am jealous. Let's be honest, you knew it was true. You know that the general rule is two is better than one. And despite all of your griping, you're not going to jump at the chance of changing places with me anytime soon.

And that's fine. I meant it when I said that I'm happy for you. But please, just do all of the single girl three little favors.

1. Don't make me rehash the stories of our one-night stands if you aren't going to give up the bedroom gossip too. 
2. Don't patronize and tell me that the right person is just around the bend, because we all know there is a strong possibility they aren't. 
3. And don't forget about me, I'll still want to be your friend and not a third wheel. 

And please, married friends, remember that matter the age you got married...you probably once felt like me too. That the list of failed relationships were long, wondering if the guy you like likes you enough back, trying to figure out a plan in being happy if this journey isn't to be yours, wondering what to wear on a first date. It's tough out there, and it only gets tougher. 

But the good news? Sometimes it is fun being single and dating. I like the mystery that surrounds my current relationship. I like that the lines aren't drawn and that so much hope and newness is still there. I like the making out and playful jokes. Maybe you're right in thinking you should be a little jealous of us singles too.