So tonight, I'm putting it all out there.* And then packaging it on up with a nice little bow. And throwing it out the window.
I dislike/hate/get sad about the following during Christmas 2012:
- I have no desire to watch holiday movies alone.
- There will be no gifts under my own tree on Christmas day.
- Paychecks are never big enough.
- My holidays have never included a grand romantic gesture.
- I hate worrying about New Year's Eve. Every damn year.
- The number of times I'll have to answer "Are you seeing anyone?"
- Christmas Eve without my favorite family member to dance and drink with.
- Worrying I will forget someone in gift giving.
- Wishing I had that special someone to buy for.
- Feeling like another year has gone by without progress.
- The way the holiday season has a way of heightening your fears and self-doubt.
- Emotions about my patrons who may not have anywhere to go on Christmas.
- Wanting to look my hottest when I'm eating my most.
- Wondering if the persons I'm casually thinking about are casually thinking about me.
- Feeling like not matter what I accomplish in a year, it's never enough.
- Guilt over wishing days away.
- Being genuinely disappointed that I didn't meet my "books to read" goal.
- Wishing for some very unrealistic holiday magic.
- Watching Hallmark/Lifetime Holiday movies and the self-hate and mix of feelings when they are over.
- Being jealous of "perfect holidays" and "dreams come true."
- Being scared of what might happen in the new year.
- Being terrified of what might not happen in the new year.
Okay, that's it. I promise. I'll be back to waxing nostalgic and focusing on the reasons for the season later. But I really just wanted to come home to a guy making me a mug of hot chocolate, some presents wrapped under the tree, Love Actually on the TV, and a kiss on the forehead.
Still hoping for magic in 2013.
*Brenna is one of the most honest bloggers I know. It's hard for me to say what is wrong sometimes. So for her, I am thankful and inspired.