List #171: The Flip Side of Holiday Spirit

For one moment I'm going to get it all out there. I'm going to list all of the ways the holidays suck and then I'm going to move on. I know there is far too much to be thankful for in my life, especially during the holidays. But yet, every day more than one or two "if only..." thoughts creep up.

So tonight, I'm putting it all out there.* And then packaging it on up with a nice little bow. And throwing it out the window.

I dislike/hate/get sad about the following during Christmas 2012:

• I have no desire to watch holiday movies alone. 
• There will be no gifts under my own tree on Christmas day.
• Paychecks are never big enough.
• My holidays have never included a grand romantic gesture.
• I hate worrying about New Year's Eve. Every damn year.
• The number of times I'll have to answer "Are you seeing anyone?"
• Christmas Eve without my favorite family member to dance and drink with.
• Worrying I will forget someone in gift giving.
• Wishing I had that special someone to buy for.
• Feeling like another year has gone by without progress.
• The way the holiday season has a way of heightening your fears and self-doubt.
• Emotions about my patrons who may not have anywhere to go on Christmas.
• Wanting to look my hottest when I'm eating my most.
• Wondering if the persons I'm casually thinking about are casually thinking about me.
• Feeling like not matter what I accomplish in a year, it's never enough.
• Guilt over wishing days away.
• Being genuinely disappointed that I didn't meet my "books to read" goal.
• Wishing for some very unrealistic holiday magic.
• Watching Hallmark/Lifetime Holiday movies and the self-hate and mix of feelings when they are over.
• Being jealous of "perfect holidays" and "dreams come true."
• Being scared of what might happen in the new year.
• Being terrified of what might not happen in the new year.

Okay, that's it. I promise. I'll be back to waxing nostalgic and focusing on the reasons for the season later. But I really just wanted to come home to a guy making me a mug of hot chocolate, some presents wrapped under the tree, Love Actually on the TV, and a kiss on the forehead. 

Still hoping for magic in 2013. 

*Brenna is one of the most honest bloggers I know. It's hard for me to say what is wrong sometimes. So for her, I am thankful and inspired.