List #105: If My Name was Adele

On Tuesday my good friend and fellow blogger, Leanne, took a chance on a personal post and talked about Adele, ex-boyfriends and her current relationship. I encourage you to go read her post, leave a comment and tell her to write more. And then come back here and read my response to this song, moving on, and men.
Leanne is right. This song speaks to all of us women who had to leave a relationship before we were quite ready. It addresses the fear that maybe it wasn't him, it really was us, and that one day he'll settle down before we will. 

And sadly, I've seen this all too often. I know too many good woman (and yes I'll admit myself is included) that have been passed over for someone shinier, easier, younger, sluttier, richer, less put together or more put together. And it sucks. When we get the news that there is someone new in his life, we call up our supportive friends and we scream a little bit. Because even though we want to be graceful and articulate, the news can shake us to the core. At least briefly.

So when I hear this song, do I want to call up my ex-boyfriends like the past women in Leanne's man's life? No. In fact, it makes me do just the opposite. Because even though every ounce of Adele's 21 has spoken to a year of
Breaking up:

Getting over a love of my life:
And even crying over a lost battle to cancer:
I don't want to be the girl in "Someone Like You." I have no desire to be the girl who for whom "it isn't over" down the road. It's over, it's been over and that's how it should stay. Sure, I'll find out news and I am sure that one day I'll bump into a past romance or two. And yes, I expect it and want it to be bittersweet. But I don't want to write love ballads about it. So today's list? What I want to be other than the woman who gets misty-eyed, sad and jealous.
  • The woman who goes out and kick-ass at her career. Proving that strong, independent ladies really do rule the world.
  • The woman who doesn't want to find someone like you. I'll take the opposite, the quirky, the dedicated and open-minded. The whatever you were lacking and the whatever I need.
  • The woman who doesn't wish you harm. But doesn't always wish you the best of the best either. And is okay with understanding her own lack of kindness there.
  • The woman who discovers liberating adventures both in bed and out. Making up for lost time and intimacy. 
  • The woman who knows you haven't forgotten. Because time flies and yes, yesterday was a time of our life. And I know deep inside, the way I curled up in your life left a permanent mark. 
  • The woman who can put her regrets aside. They serve no purpose, bring up too many questions, and contradict my inner beliefs.  
  • The woman who laughs more than she cries. Yes, Adele is right that sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. But I at least want to enjoy the ride, smile every day and be able to laugh at even what seems like the hardest times.
So dear readers, does "Someone Like You" ring something in your inner core? Or, even more, how do you want to be in regards to your ex-lovers, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, crushes, affairs? 


  1. I really like "the woman who doesn't want to find someone like you". That would describe how I left a relationship and found a far better one with my husband of 10 years. My Ex wasn't a bad guy, and we do still see each other occasionally. But when he and I broke up, I finally saw clearly that he wasn't the kind of man I wanted permanently in my life. And I sat down, made a list, and just stayed open. I dated occasionally, but mostly I pursued other things: my career, avocations, and friendships. And when Dan came into my life, I was ready for him.

    I love Adele's music and her voice. But I don't want to be the woman in her songs. :)

  2. I've always objected to the phrase "Someone Like You." I don't particularly want to be the approximation of the person you've been searching for. I want TO BE the person you've been waiting for. ME. Not someone with similar characteristics to me. That someone else with a few of my qualities would do. Nope. It's me or nothing, Buster.

  3. It took me a long time to become "The Woman Who Doesn't Wish You Harm," in regards to my college ex. I held on to the hurt and anger for way too long. I didn't date, was skeptical of men and just didn't want to be bothered with someone else's shit. I wasted too much time being bitter. Really, really bitter. And I probably missed out on a lot of great men and experiences because of it.

    I don't know why it happened or even when, but about a year and a half ago, I was able to let go of it. I don't necessarily wish him the best but I don't wish for other things that would destroy his life. I believe that one day he WILL be on the receiving end of betrayal but I don't wish it to wreck him like his betrayal did to me.

    Like I said in my post, without the hell I went through with that relationship, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Maybe I would have moved away instead of staying in the area because he was here and I never would have met the great friends and boyfriend I have now.

  4. I literally just go home from a night of French Martinis and Indian food and was belting "Rolling in the Deep" in the car on the way home. Adele is amazing...and I'm really loving this blog!