Remember a few days ago when I posted about my favorite songs that remind me of June? Something always happens when I post songs about reminders. I get in this spiral of memories and just keep thinking about the past, how life used to be, how many people in my life have changed and so on. It's not always a bad thing. In fact, this time around it hasn't been bad at all. But always introspective.
So tonight's list? A few thoughts on how things were then and how things are now.
A year ago:
I was in a job that I liked but in a place that I was quickly outgrowing. I love my old library. When I tell people my librarian tale I always make sure to let them know just how lucky I am. It's not easy to get a public librarian job in this town and my old library had my back from the beginning. The people there were my first experience with great coworkers and a great team. My patrons were funny and sweet and prayed for my family when members were sick. But it's a small library with an even smaller budget. I knew, no matter how comfortable I was and no matter how much I loved it, I would have to move on eventually.
I was in a relationship that I thought would last into the distance. We lived together, we shared our lives together and we were committed. We thought we were out of the woods with my ill family and we didn't yet know that we were about to hit a bumpy road filled his father nd brother sharing space. We were happy we survived a year of graduate school, trips had been fulfilled and evenings were spent with bikes. We'd take turns between ice cream and Italian ice and I'd let him have ice cream more than I would have preferred.
I was caught in a space I didn't know how to navigate. I am a patient person. I can wait with the best of them and rarely get uspet about time spent on something. It's the perfectionist in me as well. But I was patiently waiting for something that wasn't coming and was starting to almost cry myself to sleep at night. I gave backrubs and laughs but tickles was wearing thin. I accepted excuses out of love. I became the girl that put her hopes in the future and thought that age and stress were legitimate reasons. I never spoke up too much because it would make me cry and I don't like such strong confrontations.
And then, here we are a year later:
I have the dream job I wanted. There isn't much to say about this other than I am thankful every day for my new library and new coworkers. I plan on staying here for quite some time and am so very excited to have new professional goals laying out on the road before me. Once again, I consider my librarian tale a lucky tale.
I am a single girl kicking the sh*t out of life. I could feel it in the moment when we buried my lovely cousin. I could feel a shift inside of me that was almost like breathing in new air, telling me that there was no time to be spent on people who can't make room for you in their life. And since then I've been okay with letting the past be the past. It's not always easy and I miss that scratchy beard and I miss laughter over ice cream and Italian ice. But there are new people and new experiences that are patching holes and making me smile.
I realize I should never settle for less. Excuses are useless. And hurting someone who loves you night after night isn't fair. It wasn't my problem to confront. And maybe there are different ways of being supportive, but I tried the best way I know how. And this June? I have learned that age isn't always a factor and that some people are ready to tackle problems to satisfy people who love them. I have learned that compromise is harder than is sounds and takes both people to accomplish.
And you know what, dear readers? These simple changes have me feeling energized and excited about what is to come. Sure, there is a list of things I'd like to change in my life at the snap of my fingers. But that list is short. And the summer is ahead of me and so is the rest year 29. And I'm going to keep kicking the sh*t out of life. Because like Leanne Lately has proved and what my life is illustrating, a lot can change in 365 days.
So, readers,what has changed for you since last June? Are there changes you're most excited about seeing shape in the future? No regrets, just looking ahead.