List # 35

I started writing this post about an hour and it turned into a longer rambling than I like. As paragraphs piled on top of each other, I still didn't feel as if I was conveying my emotions properly. There are actual studies out there that suggest blogging is just another part of our growing narcissistic world. That we only write & comment because we want our voices to be louder than our neighbors. But I write this blog because it gives me a creative release. It is allowing me to record a period of change & growth in my life. And though I could easily whip out one of the many journals given to me as gifts over time, I know if I did simply stick to pen & paper, I would quit. Writing publicly gives me accountability.

But sometimes there is just too much to say. As truthful and open as I try to be here, I can't really share everything. I refuse to bash. I refuse to reveal the personal details that would cut, just as much as I refuse to always focus the sad or boast about the good.

Today I'm having one of those moments where there is too much to say.

So here is what happened this weekend:

Filled with friendship. Long talks, lots of laughs and just a lot of support and memory making from people I know love me very much. On the phone, over lunch, over green beer & wandering the hall of one of my favorite places in Pittsburgh.

Movies with Mom. I'm not much of a movie watcher for I always feel that I should be doing something else. But I settled down on a windy night to watch an unexpectedly gripping movie with my Mom & it was just perfect.

Book Reading. There is very little in the world that makes me feel more productive than finishing more than one book over the weekend. Clean all the things? Sure, I could do that but even if got on my hands & knees to scrub, I still wouldn't feel as accomplished as closing books. I feel accomplished tonight.

Running into Memories. Almost literally, I walked into a sight that had me aching for my life just a few months ago. How I desperately wanted to walk through glass doors & see that face & just kiss it, having it all better. Curiously thinking & wondering if he thinks of me. If he truly believes his life is better without a pretty awesome woman. But I'm smart, I'm with it & I'm okay that it won't ever be that way away. Every day, a little bit stronger. Every day, one less moment wasted.

Time Changes. Will allow evening walks after work. And for this I'll gladly hand over an hour of sleep.

End of Spring Break. My little brother returned to Wittenberg. And I miss him.

Here we go, lovelies! Spring really is just around the corner.