List # 17

It has been an emotionally draining & taxing weekend. And though I did have a few quiet & sweet moments that made me smile, this last weekend in January was the icing on the cake of a sad & dark month.

I don't want to think too much tonight, so here is a quick list of things I have avoided in January:

1. Browsing Etsy. I bought one gift on this site this month. And every time I log in it suggests gifts that I know aren't meant for me, but for someone else.

2. Wearing my favorite bracelet. Because it was a gift from that best person I thought I knew and even though I love it almost more than any other piece of jewelry I own, NYE was the last time I put it on my wrist.

3. Paul Simon. Because Graceland reminds me of long car trips, even if it was always one of my favorite albums before you were here.

4. Late nights. Because when you're sleeping alone, early just seems so much more appealing.

5. Writing emails. Well, I haven't been avoiding this, but some of the responses have come much later. So many people have written such wonderful things that it makes me cry. And writing them back is just...hard. So if you haven't heard back from me yet, I apologize.

And 5 is enough. Actually, after writing it down I feel like maybe I haven't been *truly* avoiding as much as it seems. The biggest one just being thoughts, I suppose.

I hope for a happier post tomorrow. Stay warm, lovelies.

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